PEACE anyone?
Silly me.
I keep thinking that I'm missing out on bringing these gifts of Advent reflections to you, my precious friends; but instead I keep discovering that maybe God really wanted me to settle into them and into His open arms this season. That maybe He was helping prepare room for my own heart to meet Him through the explorations on Hope and Peace that He and I had thoughtfully curated for you.
This week, the second week of Advent, has been anything BUT peaceful for me. So much so, that I was up all last night with fiery panic attacks wracking my body, and no rest in sight. I came downstairs to sit by the soft glow of the tree and light my advent candles, desperate for some glimmer of calm...only to find that while the flame of HOPE was blazing brightly, my sad little PEACE candle was barely hanging on, sputtering and struggling for oxygen to come back to life...alot like me! So much for peace...
And y'all - I was suddenly determined - you know, that manic, frenzied kind of determination, when you've lost all control and just need SOMETHING to grasp as an anchor, anything! Just ONE THING to go right and give you relief...yeah, that was me. I grabbed a butter knife - here you can see me LITERALLY DIGGING UP SPACE for peace, DESPERATE for it to spark into a warm flame.
I hacked off the dead wick (as burned out and weary as my soul) with a pair of dull scissors sitting nearby and clawed and carved at the candle wax like a maniacal fool, scissors, knife, fingernails all in play (and you KNOW my hair was in an equal frenzy after night sweats and tossing and turning, wearing mismatched pajamas and my goofy rainbow glasses that I only don at night, lightning and smoke coming out of my ears - this would NOT have been the focus of a Norman Rockwell painting, were he to have captured the scene).
But I guess this is maybe what the second week of Advent is just going to look like for some of us - CLAWING DESPERATELY for peace.
We all know the age old truth - Peace is not found in the absence of chaos, but in the Presence of Jesus. Emmanuel. God with us. In my anxiety spiral, I'd lost sight of His kind eyes. Lost my grip on his mighty right hand. And then, body chemistry took over. I knew I had lost the battle - adrenaline and cortisol were in control now. This was a fight or flight moment (and apparently I was in a fighting mood!) There could be no intellectual logic to calm this storm.
But how to help my shaking body and racing thoughts catch up with what I knew to be true...with the One who I knew to be True Peace?
I still don't have a fancy website (or even a functional one) to share with you this week. But I do have this - a breath prayer. A song. And a piece of artwork that all helped to bring my body, mind, and soul back into sync again, as I coregulated in the powerful Presence of the Prince of Peace.
When the disciples were being tossed around, terrified, by the chaotic waves of the storm around them (and now inside of them), they cried out to Jesus who was peacefully sleeping nearby, "Lord, save us! Do you not care that we're about to drown?!" And Jesus spoke to the storm saying, "Peace, Be still." And all was calm.
Breathe in: PEACE
Breathe out: BE STILL
Let the Lord who gives strength to his people, bless you with His PEACE that passes all understanding. (Psalm 29:11; Philippians 4:7)
Inhale: PEACE
Exhale: BE STILL
After the rise and fall of my chest finally began to slow, I allowed the gentle melody and lyrics of the song "Peace" by Bethel Music (from the album with the same title) to wash over my soul, and let warm tears fall softly - signaling their own wash of catharsis.
LISTEN HERE
"I remember who you are:
You're the God who's never far.
When the whole wide world is crashing down,
I fall to my knees - and breathe in your PEACE."
God with us. Who made Himself our Peace. Emmanuel. Holding me. Cradling me.
And it all comes full circle - The one who came to us in a cradle, and was cradled by His own mother, now cradles us.
I took a snapshot of this print from a book sitting out on my coffee table, originally painted by Reverend and artist Lauren Wright Pittman. I can almost feel the warmth of Joseph's arms around Mary, and Mary's arms around their newborn son. And maybe it's because we just welcomed a new grandbaby into our hearts (I can close my eyes even now and feel the weight of him in my arms, and bring the soft sweet scent of his hair to my mind), or maybe it's because Jesus welcomed me into His, but everything about this image feels like peace and connection and safety to me...all is calm, all is bright.
I wonder what it evokes in you...?
And yes, the fire finally took hold. The groove I'd carved out in the wax, and the necessary trimming back of the lifeless piece of wick that could no longer serve the needs of the candle, created just enough room for a Holy wind to nurse the spark into a flicker, and finally into a warm, glowing flame of PEACE. Just as He had done in my body, and in my soul.
I wonder…
What is tossing and churning in you this week? What lifeless wick needs to be trimmed back, or where do you need to carve out space for the Breath of Heaven to breathe a flicker of peace IN you...WITH you...? His invitation to co-regulate and breathe deeply together is always there. For you and for me.
Tonight, may we ALL sleep in heavenly PEACE.
Cat
